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Monday, December 9, 2013
I think I might have an eating disorder
I think I might have binge eating disorder. When I tried to talk to my doctor about this she just said I need to lose weight, I should eat less and exercise more.
Nobody knows what hell my mind and body are going through. I hate myself for being fat. I hate myself for eating. I hate myself for wanting to eat. I hate myself for ever feeling hungry whether I eat or not. I try very hard not to eat and not to feel hungry. I never eat in public. I never eat during the day. But at night, a lot of the time it is between 11 pm and 4 am I feel so hungry I would give anything to eat and then - because I don`t keep any food in the house - I run out to the store and buy a bag of groceries and eat the whole thing. I feel so stuffed I honestly think my stomach is going to explode. And then of course I hate myself even more for that.
How can I get help? I feel like my whole life is out of control, and I hate myself every minute of every day for not being able to be thin and for being so weak that I have to eat. I hate myself for eating or feeling hungry, ever. I hate myself all the time and I can`t stand it. Why can`t I be normal?
Is this an eating disorder and how do I get help?
Binge eating disorder is a clinically determined biologcially based mental illness. It is often dismissed by unknowing primary care physicians, but the disturbance is great and the ability to control the eating is overwhelmingly hard because the body and mind work against your intentions.
If you live in Central Ohio, since you wrote to Ohio State, there are free eating disorder support groups, one of which is focused on Binge Eating Disorder, at The Center for Balanced Living. You can learn more about these at http://www.thecenterforbalancedliving.org/.
Or go to the National Eating Disorder Association's website and seek a referral from arount the country.
Laura L Hill, PhD
Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry
College of Medicine
The Ohio State University